I don't think people know what they are saying often when the begin to speak. I think the idea has formed in the head, but many do not take the time to formulate their sentences in their head enough to make sure they never put their foot in their mouth. I know a few who are very quiet, and you can see the gears turning before they speak. Often they are speaking about a point that was made a few points before. They have been contemplating the information spoken, planned out their statement and then speak. Then well there is me. I joke that I have no filter. You know that tiny thing that stops dumb stuff from going from your brain directly to your mouth. Yha I think mine was made out of cheap plastic and in China. It probably broke about as fast as those dollar store toys. So I do understand that people say things without thinking often however I have noticed a difference. There are those that say something dumb and get red and embarrassed, and there are those that just keep going and don't notice.
I get many many comments when I am out with my children. The most common one is "Are they all yours?" Honestly I'm very surprised by this one. Each and every time I hear it I really want to say "No. I thought life was not challenging enough so each day I try to run my errands with as many stray children as I can find wandering around my neighborhood before I leave."
Another comment I get quite often is "My you have your hands full." Since moving to the south they now add on "Bless your heart." I am also confused by this one. For anyone that knows me when I am out and about my baby is usually in the ergo. My hands are free. My children practice the buddy system and all hold each others hands. When we shop my kids grab the items off the shelf most the time and put them in the cart. Often they are holding the coupons, the shopping list and sometimes even my purse. I really do have my hands free most the time. So why are they saying my hands are full? I really don't get it.
Those comments just seem silly, and thoughtless to me. But there is one comment that I get quite often that hurts. It feels like a knife stabbing me. I want to cry each and every time I hear it. I want to cover my children's ears to protect them. My smile fades, my voice dulls, and my joy takes a hard hit. The comment "Oh I could never handle that many children. I can hardly handle my (fill in the blank #) children." I'm sure to those people it is a complement. But to me it is sheer pain.
Was I born different than these people? Did God make me to be supernatural that I'm able to handle 6 kids? Am I just a gluten for punishment? Can I really handle this better than they could?
Are we measured to each other? I just told a friend the other day "Wow. I'm glad I'm not judged against you. Otherwise I would be toast!" We are measured to God's standards not each other. God has a plan for each and every one of us. Right now His plan for me is to be a stay at home mom with 6 children. That is not God's plan for my husband. We each have our own jobs on this earth. Some are to be doctors, lawyers and such. (ok now I'm singing in my head.) Some are to be business people, stay at home moms, some just want to be cowboys. (now I need a new song!) God has a plan for all of our lives. To look at someone else and judge who they are and put them in a box because of the path God has placed them on is just not fair.
I often get told by people of how hard things are for them to get things done, but then in the same breath tell me how it must be easier for me to do them. I hear from people of how hard homeschooling is and how challenging it is, then in the same breath be told that they are sure I don't have those problems too. I'm not sure where this idea comes from. Am I just so wonderful at everything that it all looks easy? NOPE! I will be the first to tell you that I don't think I'm wonderful at anything. I see all the areas I fall short on. I see all the crafty people out there making things on pintrest. I see all the hand made cards, and the fresh baked bread, and honestly the wrapped birthday gifts. Yes I said it. My kids get birthday gifts in bags! No not always the pretty kind. We only have the pretty kind if someone gave us a pretty bag and it didn't get ruined from another gift. I will give my kids presents in paper bags, trash bags, and yes even walmart bags!
It really does feel as if moms of many are often held to a higher standard. People are surprised when we are not on top of things. People are surprised when we procrastinate. People are surprised when we are overwhelmed. When at the grocery store I see the stares when my children touch something they were told not to. I get "the eye". You know the look of disgust I'm talking about.
But they are right. They can't handle 6 kids like I can. They can't homeschool like I can. They can't deal with the same things that I can. Only I can do that. If they were to walk a day in my shoes they would fall flat on their face.
There is a song I love to sing in the house when I'm feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed.
"Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin."
This is the only part of the song I sing. It is the only part I need to remember. It is by God's grace that I am able to get up in the morning. It is by God's grace that I am able to get through the day. See I'm a sinner just like the rest. I have yelled, thrown things, disobeyed, been angry, prideful, stolen, cheated, and many more. But God has given me grace for my shortcomings and forgiven me of my sin. I won't ever be perfect. I will always keep working on making myself better. But for now I am who I am and God meets me here.
When someone makes a comment that they can't do something that I am doing it hurts because God is taken out of the equation. They are saying that I am someone that is strong enough to do this all on my own. I know for a fact that when I try to do this on my own I fall flat on my face, and not only do I suffer for it, but my whole family does too! I have done things all on my own power. It is like swimming against the current in a swiftly moving river. Instead with the grace and mercy from God I am able to do all that He has asked of me.
As far as them not being able to handle 6 kids like me of course they can't when they have 2. But when or if they have #3 they will be able to handle it because God will gladly give out the grace that is needed for it. When #4, or 5 or 6 or even 15 come around God will once again dish out some grace. When a trial in life comes along. God is always there to walk you through it if you are willing to have the company. There is never a circumstance that God puts before you that He doesn't also give you the ability to handle.
I am always so hurt and saddened to think that so many people walk around this world thinking they can't have the next child they desire because 2 children is hard, and they couldn't imagine having more. Grace is dished out when #3 comes along. (Trust me a LOT of grace comes with #3) Or people not homeschooling when they feel it is necessary, or something God has called them to do. Grace comes with each stroke of the pencil or crayon. It hurts to know that so many never fulfill what God has for them because they have not allowed God to give them the grace to handle it. I never want my children to become adults to not get to see all that God has in store for them. Some of my children have come to me with a promise, and I can not wait to see it! But if they listen to these strangers that we encounter how will they ever feel equipped? How will they feel like they can have all the children God puts on their heart? How can they move mountains if they only here how others don't feel like they can do it. I want my children to learn "With Christ all things are possible." I want them to have faith that moves mountains. I want them to not fear what the future holds, but embarrass the will of God even when it seems too big.
So next time when you see someone doing something you don't believe you can remind yourself that you are not in their shoes and God has just given them the grace to be where He has them right now. And if you want to say something to them, tell them how blessed they are. You never know how much it will mean to a mom to hear something sweet while out and about. But I can tell you that it will mean much much more than you will ever know!
